Finding Yourself Again: My Wellbeing Toolkit for Rebuilding Life After Loss

After a traumatic event, the world doesn’t look the same anymore and neither do you.

Rebuilding yourself becomes a journey you don't have a map for, and you might have no idea what could help you feel "normal" again.

Over the past 7 years, I've been slowly rebuilding myself after experiencing sudden loss while living abroad, learning to navigate anxiety & panic attacks, and trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life.

Finding routines, resources or professional support that actually works for you isn't easy. For a long time, you might find yourself searching for that one magical answer — until you realise there isn't one.

One of the reasons I'm sharing this article is that I remember how dark and frightening that place can feel. When you're in it, it's hard to believe you'll ever make it through.

Along the way, I collected practices, books, people and ideas that helped me move forward. I call it "My Wellbeing Toolkit." My hope is that you'll discover at least one thing you can add to yours, and find encouragement not to give up.

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Please note that these are practices that have helped me personally. This article is not a substitute for professional medical advice. If you suspect you have a medical condition, please seek support from a qualified healthcare professional.

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What's in My Wellbeing Toolkit

1. Psychologist

My first experience with therapy came while I was living in Spain. I had left my full-time job and wasn't sure anymore who I was without a title or what I wanted to do next in my life.

Seeking professional help felt like the right decision, but finding the right psychologist wasn't as easy as I expected.

👉 If you're wondering when a job seeker should consider talking to a psychologist, I wrote a LinkedIn post about that.

Because my Spanish wasn't yet strong enough to communicate freely, language became the deciding factor. The two psychologists I saw were Spaniards who claimed to speak fluent English.

Unfortunately, neither of them turned out to be the right fit.

In Search of the Right Support

The first one's English wasn't as fluent as advertised, making it difficult for our conversations to move forward. The second one seemed promising, until I confronted him about some conflicting advice and realised something didn't feel right.

To be honest, I ended up feeling taken advantage of as a foreigner, since sessions in English were considerably more expensive 💰. Eventually, I gave up on therapy altogether and focused instead on improving my Spanish and going to the gym.

Then life changed everything.

My fiancé suddenly passed away, and my life as I knew it collapsed.

Thankfully, I had a very good circle of friends. One of them arranged an appointment with a psychiatrist during that first week, and from there I was referred to a psychologist. This time, I spoke in Spanish and received the support I needed.

With my psychologist Rosa Zapata. A moment captured years after our first session.

What I Learned

Looking back, two lessons have stayed with me.

✔️Finding the right psychologist can take time, and it's okay to say "no" if someone doesn't feel like the right fit. It definitely takes extra strength to do that, because when you're already in a vulnerable situation, standing up for yourself is one of the hardest things to do.

✔️Start building a small wellbeing fund for yourself while life is still going well. You may need it, you may not — but if you do, you'll be grateful it's there. Therapy and mental health support aren't cheap.

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2. Enneagram

There are many personality and career tests that promise to help you discover your true self and passion. But after losing someone unexpectedly, I realised that these classical tests didn’t make sense anymore.

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years" - sounded like one of the most stupid questions ever. I had just learned you cannot guarantee even tomorrow.

I remember taking a career test at the unemployment office and almost "failing" it, because my answers didn't match what a "normal job seeker" would say. When I went through the results with the career counsellor, she immediately saw that my perspective on life had fundamentally changed.

Thankfully, I found my way to Enneagram and IKIGAI.

What is the Enneagram?

The Enneagram is a personality framework that goes deeper and helps you understand your core fear, core motivation, and the behaviour patterns you repeat — often without realising it. For anyone feeling stuck in life it can reveal answers that traditional tests simply can’t.

You can explore the Enneagram through books or online tests, but I found working with an experienced instructor far more insightful. If you're curious, I'd highly recommend Kundalini Yoga and Enneagram teacher Lynn Ruolo, who helped me understand my own type on a much deeper level.

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3. IKIGAI

While the Enneagram helped me understand why I behave the way I do, creating my own Ikigai showed me what kind of work I truly wanted.

IKIGAI is a Japanese concept that describes your “reason for being” — the intersection of what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for.

For job seekers, it's a wonderful tool for connecting your values and natural strengths to work that actually feels purposeful.

🎉And by the way - creating my own IKIGAI eventually led me to start Farera Helery.

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4. Kundalini Yoga

After practicing Kundalini Yoga for 7 years, I truly believe it helps you transform, and start noticing and let go of old thought patterns and behaviours that no longer serve you. I somehow feel that during the practice some things become clear or I receive answers I didn't have before.

👉 If you're new to yoga, I wrote a post about my journey to finding Kundalini.

There are many wonderful Kundalini Yoga teachers, and over time, you may find yourself connecting with different teachers at different stages of your journey.

Currently I follow Yogigems.

One of my favourite Kundalini Yoga teachers

If you're just getting started

Don't feel like you have to jump straight into a 60-minute class. Start with a 10- or 15-minute practice. It's a much gentler way to build the habit, and you can always work your way up to longer sessions later.

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Building Your Own Wellbeing Toolkit

Looking back, none of these tools "fixed" me. As I said in the beginning - there is no one magical answer.

Your wellbeing toolkit will probably look different from mine. But if this article introduced you to even one idea worth exploring, let me know in the comments, or hit ❤️ so it reaches someone who needs it.

In case you want to keep exploring, I also wrote an article about 6 tools that helped me manage anxiety and panic attacks.

Wishing you strength on your own journey ⛵️.

Farera Helery