Between Two Worlds: What Living Abroad Really Feels Like
- Helery Homutov
- 8 hours ago
- 8 min read
"Many are dreaming about living abroad, but you must decide if you are a dreamer or a doer. If you are a dreamer, stay at home! If you are a doer, move and you will succeed!" - Krister (Sweden → Latvia)
In April 2025, I created an online survey called Between Two Worlds and asked expats around the world to share what living abroad really feels like.
I wanted to hear honest thoughts about the parts of this life that usually don’t get shared on social media. And as an expat myself, I was curious to know if others are facing the same challenges I am.
This article brings together personal stories of 76 expats across 19 countries.
They offer a thought-provoking read for friends back home, provide a realistic view for anyone thinking about moving abroad, and remind fellow expats that you're not alone in this.
Meet the Expats Behind the Survey
The survey was shared through personal contacts and social media in April-May 2025. The 76 expats surveyed came from 24 nationalities and were living across 19 countries.
Most respondents were between 25 and 44 years old and had spent several years abroad.
While work, study, and love were the top reasons for moving abroad, some expats also shared spiritual motivations, or were simply driven by a curiosity about the world:
"Literally I was “called” through a connection with my higher self to come to Athens." - Joyce Griggs (USA → Greece)
"I had the feeling of "Why not?!". Nothing was really keeping me there but at the same time I always knew that I could go back anytime if things wouldn't work out elsewhere." - K. (Estonia → Finland)
"I was in search of adventure and broadening my horizons." - C. (Australia → Greece)
For others, the decision wasn’t a choice at all — 99% of Ukrainian respondents said war was the reason behind their move.
The Hardest Parts of Living Abroad That Even Friends Back Home Don’t Realize
Living abroad can seem like an everlasting holiday - relaxed, easy and filled with guaranteed sunshine.
But 80% of expats said people back home don’t truly understand what life abroad is really like.
Is social media to blame? Or is it the assumption that life must be more exciting and carefree just because it's happening in another country?
"They all think it’s easy, glamorous all fun. But there are some really difficult things while living abroad. And hard to voice them because you sound ungrateful." - Vanessa Hughes (USA)
"It's not possible to understand it when you don't live it on your own skin. I feel like many idealize it (as I used to do as well) and also make me feel guilty for having chosen to move abroad, leave my family here etc." - Sabrina L. (Italy→ Denmark)
"They think it's easy and I'm rich here, but they don't understand that life costs a lot everywhere." - Sabine (Latvia → Norway)
Challenges You Face as an Expat
When asked about the hardest parts of living abroad, most expats pointed to a mix of practical and emotional challenges.
The #1 struggle was learning the language (mentioned by 36 expats), followed closely by bureaucracy hell (34), and finding a social circle (34).
Others also mentioned navigating healthcare and being far from family.
"It's not a vacation, this is real life and everything that comes with it... There is an extra level of mental and emotional work that you experience daily - I choose to be here and I am happy...but otherwise normal things can feel exhausting in a different cultural context." - Elizabeth D. (USA → Italy)
"You start with a 0 support system and it takes time to find your tribe." - Cam (France → Greece)
"It's hard to keep my marriage intact while my husband has never fully moved here." - Eva (Estonia → UK)
The survey revealed yet another challenge that many expats quietly carry with them.
Feeling Home Neither Here nor There
"I think the hardest part has been admitting that the experience of living abroad does change one's identity and then you have to find your place again and fit in with this new, changed self..." - Stella (Estonia → France)
There’s a beloved piece in Estonian 🇪🇪 music - a song called "Kodulaul" that nearly every Estonian knows by heart. Its opening line asks: “Mis on kodu, kus on kodu, kus on kodukoht?” (“What is home, where is home, where is the place called home?”)
After years of living abroad… where is home for you?
56% of expats said they sometimes feel this strange "in between" feeling - not quite at home where they live, but not wanting to go back either.
Another 27% admitted they feel it too often.
"I miss my country and my language and being able to express my thoughts freely. I still don't have many friends here so I often feel alone and isolated. Im always happy when I go back to Spain because I can meet my family and my friends and it feels like I never left. But at the same time, as the days go by this feeling transforms itself into something negative. I realize that everything is still the same and I remember how trapped and hopeless I felt in my small town." - Diego (Spain → Germany)
"When you live abroad, you gradually adapt to a new way of life - you absorb new perspectives, interact with a different culture, and accumulate new experiences. Over time, this changes you. Meanwhile, people back home continue living in a different social and informational environment. When you return, you may find that you've become a different person - one who doesn't quite fit in the same way anymore." - Iryna Anhelynova (Ukraine → Estonia)
Why Expats Feel Caught Between Two Worlds
I was curious whether this "in-between" feeling only shows up in the early years of expat life. But after reading through 76 responses, it became clear - it’s not about time.
"I've lived in many places and it takes a few factors to call a place home. E.g. love, professional/economic, friendship/community, family etc. It doesn't feel like home when they are missing." - La (Yemen → Spain)
The most common reasons for not feeling at home included:
The absence of strong & meaningful social connections
Missing family & friends
Being far from loved ones during important life events like birthdays or weddings.
"I'm not 100% settled or part of the place where I live because family is far away, but I'm not home at home because I've missed too much and changed." - A. (UK → Spain)
"I think for me it's part of my being. I'm a wanderer. I don't really belong anywhere and that's a difficult realization to process." - Joyce Griggs (USA → Greece)
Many also mentioned the language barrier, and feeling disconnected due to a different mentality/culture, as well as the difficulty of fully integrating or achieving something as a foreigner.
"I think what causes this feeling are the people, the mindset, and the culture. For example, attending a cultural event where everyone sings the song and you've never heard it before..." - Lucie (Czech Republic → Spain)
"The realization that some things you will never be able to share with local friends, some jokes you will not get, some references will always need explaining...you grew up in different countries, with different tv shows, with different pop stars. Especially the Spanish-speaking world is like another planet." - Katharina (Germany → Spain)
The Comparison With Friends Back Home
Expat life takes time to build, and as these stories show, it rarely goes as smoothly as you'd expect. In moments of doubt or loneliness, it’s easy to start comparing your life to a place you once left - your hometown & friends.
In the survey, I asked: "Do you ever feel like you're falling behind compared to friends back home?"
To be honest, I was positively surprised that most respondents had mastered the Zen habit of not comparing themselves to others!
More than 50% said "No", stating that it's often the other way around - or that they don't believe in this concept at all.
"I actually see them stuck in the same place and me changing. I feel ahead." - Sirena (Germany → Spain)
"Quite the opposite. I feel they are the ones missing out." - Javier (Spain → Thailand)
"I don’t believe in that concept 😅 everyone should live to the beat of their own drum." - Katharina (Germany → Spain)
The rest said “Yes” (22%) or “Only when I open Instagram/LinkedIn” (14%).
The comparison was mostly triggered by the pressure to meet society’s so-called “must-haves”: a college degree, marriage, kids, or buying a home.
"Friends are finishing university and studies. I used to be a straight A student. I seem like failing. They all study more than me, they are about to graduate. I seldom go to university and symptoms of depression are coming back. I'm genuinely afraid of my mental health." - Olivia (Romania → North Macedonia)
They are established and I am still seeking my path and started over. They had it linear." - Kati (Estonia → Jordan)
Career development was another common comparison point, as it's often slowed down for expats by bureaucracy, language barriers, or simply being seen as a foreigner.
"Career development is not so fast, as i feel i am not taken seriously, because i am from outside and maybe cheap workforce." - Liisa (Estonia → Finland)
I had a great well paying job at home. I don't work at all here and that makes me feel I'm behind. - Teresa (Australia → Italy)
A Final Note to Every Expat
Whether you feel stuck, caught between two worlds, or trapped in comparison — remember this: You’ve changed. You’ve grown. You’re a different person.
You can’t compare who you were when you left to those who stayed in one system, one country, one rhythm.
I want you to read these answers, because they will be a game changer in understanding it all.
“What’s been one of your proudest moments while living abroad?"
"Learning how to get from point A to point B without checking Google maps!" — Teresa (Australia → Italy)
"Speaking spanish with a local for 1 hour" — Moran (Israel → Spain)
Ordering coffee at a local coffee shop in the local language — Roma (Ukraine → Austria)
The birth of my baby and my language level was good enough to register her and order the birth certificate. - Timotheus (Germany → Spain)
Now tell me...
Who would feel proud of ordering coffee, walking without Google Maps, or updating documents back home in their native language?
Probably no one - because those things are normal. Expected. Unnoticed.
But for expats, these "ordinary things" become something different. They take discomfort. Courage. Navigation through unknown and getting more and more independent through small victories.
Only you know how hard it was to read your first book in another language, secure your residence permit against all odds, or build a new social and professional life from scratch.
These are your moments. Be proud of them. Don’t forget them.
"Just knowing that I did everything myself. I learned the language without any teachers, I found the apartment alone and I found a job without relying on anyone. It taught that I'm more independent than I thought and that I am capable of lot." - Diego (Spain → Germany)
"I built social circle, built career and finally a place what I call home." - Alex (Myanmar → Denmark)
Big Thank You To All ❤️
I want to thank you everybody who participated in the "Between Two Worlds" survey and you, reader, to make it until here.
These stories remind us that expat life isn’t one story. It’s a hundred small ones. It’s ordinary things that feel extraordinary, and invisible work that changes you.
"Don't expect everything will change in better if you are moving out of your country for starting a new life, at the beginning it's exciting but you can have ups and downs...you have to have a strong attitude and being able to feel lonely sometimes". Azzurra (Italy → Spain)
So what about you — what has your experience been like? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to drop a comment or share the article with someone who's navigating life between two worlds — it might be exactly what they need to hear today.
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