Moving Abroad for Love: Why Starting Over in Your Partner’s Country Is Easier Than You Think
- Helery Homutov
- Mar 25
- 9 min read
Updated: Apr 10
Have you ever thought about moving to your partner's home country and wondered, "Is this a good idea?"
While researching for this article, I found many "Why not to move abroad for love" stories on the internet and thought - thank God, I did not read such articles back in the days, when I decided to move to my partner's country, because if I had, I might have never ended up living abroad.
...while negative scenarios exist, so do positive ones. And who's to say your experience can't be one of them?
So, here's my first piece of advice: At some point, you need to draw a line on how much you’ll let other people's experiences influence your decision. At the end of the day, it's pretty obvious - those who moved abroad for love and hated it will tell you not to go. Those who went and loved it will encourage you to take the risk.
So whether moving abroad for love is a good idea or not, it's a 50/50 chance.
(Or maybe 50/60, if you're familiar with Finnish skiing legend Matti Nykänen 😉)
Table of Contents
The "What if" Scenario
The Fear of "Leaving It All Behind"
Language Barriers: What to Expect
Finding a New Home
Handling Bureaucracy
Doctor’s Visits & Health Insurance
A Smoother Social and Cultural Transition
Finding a Job in a New Country
Final Thoughts: Should You Take the Leap?
The "What if ..." Scenario
Last weekend, I visited my boyfriend’s extended family and had a long conversation with his stepsister, who is italian. She and her French boyfriend live in Italy. She admitted that she has considered moving to France with him but feels unsure if she’s too old to start over. The idea of settling in a new country, finding a job, making friends, and learning a new language seemed overwhelming. I could see the curiosity in her eyes, wondering "What if..."
Moving to your significant other's country is a big decision and many people hesitate because let's be real - our brains love to play out negative future scenarios:
❓What if I move abroad and I hate it?
❓What if I can't find a job?
❓What if I don't make any friends?
❓What if we break up, I have to move back, and then my life is a failure and ...
These are all valid concerns. And when you hear someone's negative experience on top of that, then of course, staying where you are feels like the safest option.
However, while negative scenarios exist, so do positive ones. And who's to say your experience can't be one of them?
The Fear of "Leaving It All Behind"
Moving to another country puts you in a situation where the life as you were used to - the one that functioned a certain way - suddenly no longer works. You move away from the people you know, your home, and the familiar social norms and systems. The cozy café where you know the owner, your neighbourhood grocery store, the streets you can navigate with your eyes closed, your friends and family.
You can't just copy and paste that life into a new country (at least not yet in 2025). You have to build it again from scratch. And you are not sure whether the new life you are about to create will be any better or worse. You're stepping into the unknown, and as human beings, we don't like uncertainty.
How to Overcome This Fear
My first recommendation is to remind yourself that you can always go back. Somehow, we frame the departure in our minds as something permanent. We throw farewell parties and say emotional goodbyes to people. But your "old life" is just a plane ticket away. You might not like the idea of going back, because it seems like a failure, but treat it like your plan B.
Secondly, and most importantly - you are your life. You carry your skills, strengths, and values with you wherever you go. You’re not leaving EVERYTHING behind—you’re taking the most important parts of yourself forward. This idea could not be better portrayed by one Spanish artist whose painting my friends once gave me as a gift.
Language Barriers: What to Expect
If you move to a country where you don't speak the local language, you will suffer in one way or another in the beginning. Depending on your interest and free time to learn the new language you will eventually start to feel better and more integrated to a new culture.
Learning a new language is not the best feeling, especially as an adult. It takes time and practice which involves bypassing the phases of feeling stupid, afraid of making mistakes etc. You don’t have enough vocabulary to express yourself so people could see real you, and making new friends or finding a job can be difficult.
For your future independence in a new country, I 100% recommend learning the local language.
While you can start by using free resources like Duolingo, podcasts or watching TV, the real game changer is a private teacher. When I started learning Spanish from zero, I first went to a language school in Spain. There was an intensive course, 3 hours a day from Mon-Fri. It was a great option to meet people, but the speed and quality of learning was just not the same as with private teacher. In group classes, the loudest or most advanced students tend to dominate, and the teacher has less time for individuals.
If you’re looking for private lessons, I recommend taking free trial classes first to see if you like the teacher’s style. I've used tus clases particulares for finding Spanish teacher.
Besides classes, I also encourage joining language exchange groups, but try a few before giving up if your first experience isn’t great. Some of them are very dating and drinking oriented, others completely unorganized and then somewhere you are able to find exactly what you need.
When I lived in Spain, I even started my own intercambio group. It was one of the best decisions of my life—I made amazing friends and got used to different accents.
Finding a New Home
Finding a place to call home in a new country is always challenging, and even more in nowadays economical situation. However, doing it with a local partner makes a huge difference. You automatically create more trust, can communicate with different rental agencies and deal directly with landlords. You're less likely to fall for a scam targeted at foreigners or get ripped off.
🏡 Some Home Searching Tips:
Every country has their main go-to rental platforms where you can start your official search.
Join expats groups on Facebook for housing leads. Whenever I posted about apartment hunting on FB, I made sure my text was well written, I added a picture, shared couple of sentences about myself as a tenant, mentioned that I have never had problems paying on time and I could provide references from previous landlords if needed.
Walk around neighborhoods and look for "For Rent" signs, sometimes the best listings aren’t online.
If you want to help your partner with the search, but don't speak the language, have him/her write a standard template message that you can send when you see a suitable flat.
Definitely avoid situations where you're asked to pay upfront before even seeing the flat, or where someone asks you to pay through Airbnb and then meet an "Airbnb agent" for a visit (Yep, I've seen such scams in Finland and Spain). If the price is way too good for the conditions and on top of that smoking and pets are also allowed - run! 🏃♀️➡️
Handling Bureaucracy
Once you have accommodation, you'll need to set up contracts for electricity, water, internet, and maybe even home insurance. As we all known, these services like to have their own special and complicated terms and conditions. Understanding them in a foreign language can be a nightmare. With a local partner, these tasks become much easier, and you're less likely to make costly mistakes, like ending up with a provider you don't like but being stuck with a long and expensive permanence policy.
Opening a bank account and registering as a resident can also be major hassles. Lot of times having a right to get one document depends on having something else. When I moved to Finland, I wanted to open a bank account. And when I finally opened one, I had to wait three months while my salary was arriving to the account, before I was given the possibility to make online transactions!
My best advice? Talk to people who have done it before. Expats in Facebook groups often share useful step-by-step guidance. Just don’t get overwhelmed by the negative comments—every experience is different.
When moving to Spain, I read many scary stories from expats about getting a NIE. Some waited weeks, some months, somebody a year. Mine was processed within 10 minutes. All my required documents were in perfect order, and when the worker realized there wasn't anything to pick on, he claimed my foreign bank account statement needed to be translated into Spanish.
I wouldn't have had enough vocabulary at that moment to put my foot down, stand up for myself and explain that the word "saldo" is international and I will not start to pay for official translation service to translate such ridiculous thing. But that was exactly what my Spanish boyfriend did!
Doctor’s Visits & Health Insurance
Sooner or later, you’ll need to visit a doctor, so it’s crucial to have health insurance. In some countries, even people with public health insurance prefer to have private coverage as well, simply because it’s faster.
If you´re unemployed at first, check whether you can get health or travel insurance from your home country. If not, you need to get your papers in order and find a private health insurance provider in your new country. Insurance plans can vary greatly; some have waiting periods before they cover certain services, like hospitalization. Others may include a limited number of doctor visits in your monthly payment, and once you exceed that, you'll need to pay extra.
Expat Facebook groups can be a good source of information, but keep in mind that experiences can differ greatly depending on the country of origin. Having a partner who understands the local system and can assist with translations ensures you'll receive the care you need.
A Smoother Social and Cultural Transition
It is challenging to make new friends and it requires effort, but living with a local partner can give you access to social circles that are harder to enter as a complete foreigner—childhood friends, colleagues, and of course, the whole family!
Experiencing a new country can take a completely different turn when you see things from a local perspective: customs, food, people, traditions… maybe even football ⚽️.
Having a local partner doesn't mean you'll blindly fall in love with the country. However, in my experience, a country opens up to you differently when you have local ties to it. I think this is a major factor why some expats end up disliking one country while others just love it. Integration is such an important ingredient in this.
Finding a Job in a New Country
And finally, we come to the most interesting part - finances, money, and finding a job.
Everybody's financial situations is different, so it is impossible to give universal advice that can apply 100% to every situation. Some couples have savings, support from both sides of the families or own a property they can rent out when moving abroad and so on. Based on these factors, the urgency to find a job in a new country can be smaller or higher.
I would be happy to share with you tools, experience and strategies, that help you build a balanced job search and feel encouraged to dream bigger as you take your next steps in your job search.
👉 The best advice I can give you? Don’t do it all alone.
If you’re moving abroad and wondering how to build a job search that actually works — without burning out — I’d love to help.
Reach out here and let’s see how I can support you in your new chapter.
Should You Move Abroad for Love?
At the end of the day, moving abroad for love is a personal decision. It comes with challenges, but if you have a strong, healthy relationship, it can also be an incredible experience.
If there is a feeling inside you that wants to try, you either give it a chance and see what's going to happen. Or you'll stay waiting for the "better time", convincing yourself "it's too late", "it's not for me" or _________(insert your own favorite) and one day find yourself wondering, "Who knows what could have happened if..?"
If fear is the only thing holding you back, ask yourself: Will I regret not trying? And if your answer is yes—then take the leap. You can always return home—but you may never get the chance to see what could have been.
What Are Your Thoughts?
💭Have you moved abroad for love? Would you? Let me know in the comments!
Take care!
Helery
You might also like:
💙 Want a job search that supports your well-being?
😵💫 Feeling overwhelmed by anxiety while job hunting?
Comentários