Moving Abroad for Love: Why Starting Over in Your Partner’s Country Is Easier Than You Think
- Helery Homutov
- Jul 23
- 8 min read
Updated: 1 day ago
Have you ever considered moving to your partner's home country and asked yourself, "Is this really a good idea?" 🤔
The thought of settling in a new country can be overwhelming. Finding a job, making friends, and learning a new language is a lot to take in. Let’s be honest, our brains love to imagine the worst-case scenarios.
I’ve lived abroad in four different countries. Each one taught me something new about starting over. When I compare rebuilding a life on my own to doing it with my partner in his home country, there’s no doubt. Many challenges become much easier when you're facing them together, especially in a place where one of you is from.
Sure, negative scenarios exist. But so do positive ones. And who’s to say your story can’t be one of them?
Table of Contents
The "What if" Scenario
The Fear of "Leaving It All Behind"
Language Barriers: What to Expect
Finding a New Home
Handling Bureaucracy
Doctor’s Visits & Health Insurance
A Smoother Social and Cultural Transition
Finding a Job in a New Country
Final Thoughts: Should You Move Abroad for Love?
The "What if" Scenario
Last weekend, I visited my boyfriend’s extended family. I had a long chat with his stepsister, who is Italian. She lives with her French boyfriend and admitted that she has considered moving to France with him. However, she feels unsure if she’s too old to start over.
I could see the curiosity mixed with doubt in her eyes, wondering “What if…”
❓What if I move abroad and I hate it?
❓What if I can't find a job?
❓What if I don't make any friends?
❓What if we break up, I have to move back, and then my life is a failure?
If fear is the only thing holding you back, ask yourself: Will I regret not trying? You can always return home — but you may never get the chance to see what could have been.
The Fear of "Leaving It All Behind"
Moving to another country puts you in a situation where the life you were used to suddenly no longer works.
You move away from the people you know, your home, and the familiar social norms and systems. The cozy café where you know the owner, your neighborhood grocery store, the streets you can navigate with your eyes closed, your friends and family.
You have to build it again from scratch. And you are not sure whether the new life you are about to create will be any better or worse. You're stepping into the unknown, and as human beings, we don't like uncertainty.
How to Overcome This Fear
My first recommendation is to remind yourself that you can always go back. We often frame the departure in our minds as something permanent.
We throw farewell parties 🎈 and say emotional goodbyes to people. But your "old life" is just a plane ticket away. You might not like the idea of going back, because it seems like a failure, but treat it like your plan B.
Secondly, and most importantly - you are your life. You carry your skills, strengths, and values with you wherever you go. You’re not leaving EVERYTHING behind —you’re taking the most important parts of yourself forward. This idea could not be better portrayed by one Spanish artist whose painting my friends once gave me as a gift.
Language Barriers: What to Expect
If you move to a country where you don't speak the local language, you will face challenges. In the beginning, it can be tough. Depending on your interest and free time to learn the new language, you will eventually start to feel better and more integrated into a new culture.
Learning a new language is not the best feeling, especially as an adult. It takes time and practice, which involves bypassing the phases of feeling stupid and afraid of making mistakes. You don’t have enough vocabulary to express yourself, so people cannot see the real you. Making new friends or finding a job can be difficult.
For your future independence in a new country, I 100% recommend learning the local language.
While you can start by using free resources like Duolingo, podcasts, or watching TV, the real game changer is a private teacher. You can read more about my Spanish learning journey and compare the pros and cons of a private teacher versus an intensive language course.
Besides classes, I also encourage joining language exchange groups. Try a few before giving up if your first experience isn’t great. Some of them are very dating and drinking-oriented, while others are completely unorganized. Somewhere, you will find exactly what you need.
When I lived in Spain, I even started my own intercambio group. It was one of the best decisions of my life — I made amazing friends and got used to different accents.
Finding a New Home
Finding a place to call home in a new country is always challenging, especially in today’s economic situation. However, doing it with a local partner makes a huge difference.
You automatically create more trust. You can communicate with different rental agencies and deal directly with landlords. You're less likely to fall for a scam targeted at foreigners or get ripped off.
🏡 Some Home Searching Tips:
Every country has its main go-to rental platforms where you can start your official search.
Join expat groups on Facebook for housing leads. Whenever I posted about apartment hunting on FB, I made sure my text was well written. I added a picture, shared a couple of sentences about us as tenants, and mentioned that we have never had problems paying on time. I could provide references from previous landlords if needed.
Walk around neighborhoods and look for "For Rent" signs. Sometimes the best listings aren’t online.
If you want to help your partner with the search but don't speak the local language, have him/her write a standard template message that you can send when you see a suitable flat.
Definitely avoid scams where you're asked to pay upfront before even seeing the flat, or where someone asks you to pay through Airbnb and then meet an "Airbnb agent" for a visit. If the price is way too good for the conditions and on top of that smoking and pets are also allowed - run! 🏃♀️➡️
Once you have accommodation, you'll need to set up contracts for electricity, water, internet, and maybe even home insurance. As we all know, these services have their own special and complicated terms and conditions. Understanding them in a foreign language can be a nightmare.
With a local partner, these tasks become much easier. You're less likely to make costly mistakes, like ending up with a provider you don't like but being stuck with a long and expensive permanence policy.
Opening a bank account and registering as a resident can also be major hassles. Often, having the right to get one document depends on having another.
My best advice? Talk to people who have done it before. Expats in Facebook groups often share useful step-by-step guidance. Just don’t get overwhelmed by the negative comments — every experience is different.
Personal story time ✍️: When moving to Spain, I read many scary stories from expats about getting a NIE. Some waited weeks, some months, and some a year. Mine was processed within 10 minutes. All my required documents were in perfect order. When the worker realized there wasn't anything to pick on, he claimed my foreign bank account statement needed to be translated into Spanish.
I wouldn't have had enough vocabulary at that moment to put my foot down and explain that the word "saldo" is international. I would not start to pay for an official translation service to translate such a ridiculous thing. But that was exactly what my Spanish boyfriend did!
Doctor’s Visits & Health Insurance
Sooner or later, you’ll need to visit a doctor. It’s crucial to have health insurance. In some countries, even people with public health insurance prefer to have private coverage as well, simply because it’s faster.
If you´re unemployed, check whether you can get health or travel insurance from your home country. If not, you need to get your papers in order and find a private health insurance provider in your new country. Insurance plans can vary greatly. Some have waiting periods before they cover certain services, like hospitalization. Others may include a limited number of doctor visits in your monthly payment. Once you exceed that, you'll need to pay extra.
Expat Facebook groups can be a good source of information, but keep in mind that experiences can differ greatly depending on the country of origin. Having a partner who understands the local system and can assist with translations ensures you'll receive the care you need.
A Smoother Social and Cultural Transition
It is challenging to make new friends abroad. However, living with a local partner can give you access to social circles that are harder to enter as a complete foreigner — childhood friends, colleagues, and of course, the whole family!
Experiencing a new country can take a completely different turn when you see things from a local perspective: customs, food, people, traditions… maybe even football ⚽️.
Having a local partner doesn't mean you'll blindly fall in love with the country. However, in my experience, a country opens up to you differently when you have local ties to it. I think this is a major factor why some expats end up disliking one country while others just love it. Integration is such an important ingredient in this.
Finding a Job in a New Country
And finally, we come to the most interesting part - finances, money, and finding a job.
Everybody's financial situation is different. It is impossible to give universal advice that can apply 100% to every situation. Some couples have savings, support from both sides of the families, or own property they can rent out when moving abroad, and so on. Based on these factors, the urgency to find a job in a new country can be smaller or higher.
I help expats and international job seekers find jobs through a smart and healthy job search approach. If you want to gain clarity, discover new ideas about job search strategies, get actionable feedback on your CV, or simply a motivation boost, REACH OUT HERE.
Final Thoughts: Should You Move Abroad for Love?
Moving abroad for love is a deeply personal decision. If you're looking for advice on whether or not to do it, it's pretty obvious what you'll find.
Those who did it and hated it 💔 will tell you not to go, and those who went and loved it will say that it was the best decision of their life ❤️.
At some point, you need to draw a line on how much you'll let other people's experiences influence your own decision. If there is a feeling inside you that wants to try, you either give it a chance and see what happens.
Or you'll stay waiting for the "better time," convincing yourself "it's too late," "it's not for me," or _________(insert your own favorite). One day, you might find yourself wondering, "Who knows what could have happened if..?"
So whether moving abroad for love to your partner's country is a good idea or not, it's a 50/50 chance. Matti Nykänen
It comes with challenges, but if you have a strong, healthy relationship, it can also be an incredible experience.
What Are Your Thoughts?
💭Have you moved abroad for love? Would you? Let us know in the comments!
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